YOU SAID: The structure may be the easiest thing to tackle and fix. The crippling self-doubt can be a lot more problematic. Have you been able to pinpoint where it stems from and how you can overcome that feeling?
WHERE DOES MY CRIPPLING SELF-DOUBT STEM FROM?
First, thank you for asking! Fortunately, I have done a ton of inquiry, and I’m a quick learner, so it’s only taken me until age 49 to get it! For real, though, it has been a process and continues; if I’m lucky, discovery will continue to continue for life. I started out as an actress — have my MFA from UCSD and expereinced much success early on, but that was a double-edged sword — The quote “perfection is the enemy of the good” sums it up efficiently. For many reasons (the mash up of childhood, experience, and genes) I believed I had to be the best or I would disappear. This worked until it didn’t.
WHAT CAN I DO TO OVERCOME THIS FEELING?
The work I was kind of forced through circumstance to start in the past decade has been pretty monumental. It has been rooted in not who I am externally (ego/status/success) but internally, and that has turned everything around in the best of ways. I have learned much: that we get this one life, we decide our purpose — and purpose most essentially is action — not for a result, but for the doing, for the connection to other human beings, to listen/learn/watch/grow/to be of service somehow, which will ultimately lead to a meaningful result, but that’s not the focus. I might be getting way esoteric here, but that’s what I have been doing to confront the doubt. Shining a light on it. Not letting myself hide. But not letting myself get cocky like I’ve figured it out! I’m a published writer, but starting on Medium is a big step. Somehow it’s just more freefall. Putting it out there. Leading with heart. Acknowleding but not obsessing over stats. Not worrying too much about responses or lack thereof. Not working it to death; letting go sooner. Knowing I will find both the people — like you — who I can admire and learn from and hopefully too a community that connects with my work.
So YOU are incredible! — your insta and your presence here. I admire your unique design and look forward to getting to know you and your work better. I’m curious how long you’ve been writing for Medium and what do you think you’ve learned so far that has had the most meaningful impact?